Sao Lao

What a touching song that some of us can relate to. How many times have we been treated like a candle, only needed in time of darkness?

ก็ฉันมันเป็นแค่คนรอ ที่ถูกมองว่าไร้ความหมาย
ก็เพราะว่าเป็นเหมือนของตาย ในยามที่ไม่มีใคร
ฉันก็เป็นเหมือนๆเทียน ถูกเก็บในลิ้นชักเพื่อรอเรื่อยไป
ถูกใช้ก็ตอนที่แสงไฟดับไป ถึงคนก็จะใช้กัน
เอาคนที่มีความสำคัญ แค่วันที่เธอเสียใจ
มันคงไม่มีความหมายสักเท่าไหร่
จะเจ็บ จะช้ำ จะทน ถ้ายังไหว
ตราบจนเทียนไขนั้นจะละลายหมดลงไป
จะอยู่เป็นแสงที่ส่อง แม้อาจไม่ถึงใจ
แค่พอรำไรให้เธอนั้นยังมองเห็น
แค่เพียงชั่วครั้งชั่วคราว เข้าใจชัดเจน
ได้แค่ที่เป็นแล้ว ไม่ต้องหวังไปมากกว่านี้
แม้จะต้องเสียใจ
แม้จะต้องเสียใจ

I’m just a person who waits, seen as someone who is insignificant because I am someone who will always be there, when you have no one. I’m just like a candle, kept in a drawer and wait to only be used when the lights are out.

Keeping my promise to Nye aka Ginger, I am posting about my mother, in addition to the post on my Grandmother. I have to confess that I have never been close to my mother for various reasons. Out of all the children in the family I wanted to be so much like her in being strong, calm, and collective. My Mama is the most courageous woman I have never seen in my life. I have only seen her cry once at the moment of my sister’s death. While she might have not treated all her children equally, mama has taught me to be self-reliant and independent.

Where do I begin to describe a woman who has been the most influential in my life and yet I know so little about? I can only share what I know about her based on what I remember and from what the adults in the family are able to tell me. Like many other Laotian parents, there are so many secrets and so many stories that we may never know because the adults are not willing to talk about their past. I can only wonder why they can’t share the burdens and pains with me. I want to know all, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

What a better way to start at the beginning, talking about my Mama with pictures that I found to go along with the stories. Here is what I know about my Mama.

1. She was born in Ban Keun, the home town of her mother and her grandmother, great-grandparents, as the list goes on as far back as the birth of the town itself.

2. She was the first born in the family. Being a girl and the oldest meant a great deal of responsibilities and extra burden that she must bear later on in life as a teenager.

3. She was raised mostly by her grandparents. Her grandfather was a very strict man. If chores were not done properly, that meant being beaten by canoe paddle.

4. Her parents and great-grandparents placed a great value on education. When her family relocated to Vientiane my Mama was later sent to stay with her great-uncle (my Grandmother’s older brother) to attend school with his daughters.

5. Her favorite subjects were Math and Science. She loves Science the most and especially studying about the human physiology. She played house with her cousins and pretended to be a doctor. She would make dolls out of banana trees and sticks needles made out of bamboo into them, pretending to give injections to her patients.

My Mama (on the right) with her younger brothers and sister in Vientiane. The photo was taken between 1962-1963.

6. During the flood of Vientiane in 1966, my Grandmother relocated the family to Vang Vieng. My mother continued her education there. When she found out about the OB Nursing Program in 1967, Mama begged her mother to change her age so she can take the entrance exam for the OB Nursing School in Vientiane. It was a very prestigious educational program at that time and to graduate from this top notch nursing school in Laos meant a bright future for the selected few.

7. My Grandmother went to the chief of the town and requested for an age change for my mother. Mama became four years older legally and was able to take the entrance exam.

8. Tragic struck her and almost wiped her dream of becoming a doctor. While playing with friends along the Nam Song River in Vang Vieng, one of them fell into the water and pulled Mama’s right arm as she was trying to save her friend. Mama was lucky enough to have passed the physical examination for the entrance requirement of OB Nursing School.

9. As fate would have it. She also scored well for the written examination. She was chosen as one of the 32 students across the country and became the youngest member of the class of 1969, the last class for the OB Nursing Program.

Below are pictures of my Mama between 1967-1969. She looks like a typical student with many friends. She was beautiful and proper and was well sought after by many men. There was a joke about how when Mama walked to school and come to a stop at an intersection. There would be 4 guys from different directions waiting to escort her to class.

Mama (standing) with her older cousin in Vientiane.

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I’ve been thinking about my Grandmother the last few weeks. I didn’t get a chance to visit her grave during my visit to Laos earlier this year. I wanted to post about my Grandmother and even made a couple of posts but deleted them. I was not sure if I should share to the world on the topic of my beloved Grandmother. She was my whole world and everything I did was so I can maker her proud of me. I never had the courage to ask my mother about who my Grandmother was and about her life’s journey. What I know about her was based on my observation and pieces of the puzzle that I found myself.

Writing about my Grandmother or even looking at her pictures only bring me tears. It is so difficult to gather enough courage and strength to make a complete sentence, let alone a whole paragraph. When Nye recently posted about her mother I told myself that I should try to do the same, to share what I know about my Grandmother and later my mother. Within days of her posting Nye has tagged me in one of those “10 random facts about my mother” and I told her that I will post about my Grandmother as well as my mother once I am finished with the trip to Laos postings.

I am fortunate enough to have pictures of my Grandmother from as far back as the 1960’s. What I lack is information behind those pictures. I called my aunt earlier tonight to ask about a couple of pictures that I found a few years ago of my Grandparents. They were sent to my mother by my uncle and I made it my mission to scan all the family’s photos for myself and for my future children.

I will start with 10 facts about my Grandmother and someday would write more about her when I can gather my thoughts more clearly.

1. My Grandmother is the second child in the family. She has an older brother and a younger sister.

2. She was born and raised in Ban Keun. It was her mother’s hometown. Her father was from the other side of the Mekong. He was involved in the student protest movement and his family sent him to Ban Keun to protect his life.

3. My Grandmother was not able to read and write as a young girl. Her older brother was allowed to receive education by attending school at the local temple. However, she has to take care of her younger sister and tended to domestic chores.

4. She married in her late teen years like most girls at her age. She was married to a soldier in the Royal Army.

5. After the birth of my mother in Ban Keun, my Grandparents relocated to Vientiane and settled in Nong Duang market area. My Great-Grandparents had a shop there.

6. By 1965, my Grandmother has given birth to 4 children: my mother, my first uncle, my second uncle, and my aunt.

This is a picture of my Grandmother in the summer of 1965 and also of my Grandfather.

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For my last dinner in Vientiane Fong was kind enough to take me out to dinner at Moon the Night Restaurant, which sits along the bank of the Mekong River. My aunt and uncle-in-law had to drive my cousin to Thailand to catch a flight to Bangkok so we decided that I would go with Fong and later meet up with my parents at Wattay Airport. My parents would later go to the airport with Aunt Vanh and my cousins.

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For those of you that have been following my journey in Laos, the good news is that we are almost at the end of the road. Today is a post about my last day in Laos and I will wrap up everything in the next post. Thank you for your visit.

On the morning of the last day in Vientiane, I got up at 3:30 AM, took a cold shower and packed my things. I didn’t get much sleep because I was too anxious for the day to start. I couldn’t believe more than a month has gone by and I had to leave Laos again. I was not ready and had so much unfinished business to take care of.

At breakfast table my uncle-in-law grilled me on who I was out with the night before and how late did I get home. I felt like one of his children. It was not surprise to see that he is still protective of me. He was always like that when I was younger. To him and his wife I was their lucky charm, the person he chose to wash his feet before entering the house on his wedding day. I told him about Fong and how we all became friends and in the end all was well. I thought it was kind of odd for the subject to come up at the breakfast table, especially when we were about to leave the country later in the evening.

After breakfast I went over to another aunt’s house (Bee’s mother) which was in a few minutes of walking. My aunt Vanh and I walked passed the old house that I often came by to visit with my Great-Uncle (Aunt Vanh’s father). The only thing that is left of the two story house is the kitchen. I was very sad to see the almost empty land. This was my sanctuary for one particular summer. It was a place where I was able to live and act like a normal kid, after the passing of my sister.

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Calling all Laotians out there to show your support for G.U.M.B.Y. video for 50 Cents’ “On the Rise” competition. Give our Lao brother some support. You don’t have to love his music but you got to give him prop for representing us!

What is there to do after dinner during the week nights? One place that is usually stay open late is a bowling alley. I have never been bowling before in my entire life so Fong thought it would be cool if we hit the bowling place that he used to go. He said it is a place where mostly farangs tend to hang out. When we got there Fong parked his SUV under the gigantic Bodhi tree. Here comes the scary part of the post if you are into ghost story and I think Nye aka Ginger will love this.

Before we got out of the vehicle I got a call from my mother asking me where I was and if I was done with dinner. I told her where we were. My mother said I should go home right away and that they had just came back from dinner and wanted me home. She said I shouldn’t be out too late. It was not even 21:00 hours at the time. I told my mother that I would be home soon.

Fong and I got out of the SUV and he said my mother was very strict but since I am in Laos don’t know when I will be back again. He said staying out an hour more wouldn’t hurt. He started to lock the car but it wouldn’t lock. He tried several times but the door kept opening when he pulled it. As we stood under the bodhi tree and listening to the wind and watching the bodhi leaves shake back and forth, Fong started to get scare. He was getting goosebumps all over and started to pray, asking for permission to park there.

As for me I thought about the phone call from my mother not wanting me to stay out late and thought about my deceased Grandmother. I thought maybe she was watching over me and doesn’t want me to be in danger and wanted me to go home. I suggested to Fong to move the SUV to a different spot. He did and prayed for permission to park at the new spot, away from the bodhi tree. He had no problem locking the vehicle at the new parking spot. Fong then said a prayer of thank and we pretty much ran toward the building.
I still can’t figure why the SUV wouldn’t lock. I even helped Fong pushed the remote key and the lights came on, signaling that the car is locked. But when I pulled on the door to check if it’s lock, then it’s not. Using the key to lock didn’t work either. It locked the SUV but when I pulled on the door to check, it came open! I don’t believe in ghost or anything but after 15 minutes or so of trying to lock the door of a brand new SUV with no success, it kinda made me wonder if something or someone really didn’t want me or us to be there.

After dinner, Fong and I walked to an intersection looking for soy milk stand. He told me there is one vendor with the best soy milk in town. Whenever Fong is in the area he would go by his favorite spot for a pick me up mug of warm soy milk and black gelatin (woon dam). He informed me how he found out about all these great places for food and drink. Since he started working with an NGO, he would often go out with his colleagues and would take notes of the best dining places in town. Fong was disappointed when his favorite vendor was not there. We settled for the first vendor at the corner of the intersection.

A big toast to friendship.

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After we got back from our trip to Vang Vieng and Banh Kern, we had to get ready for dinner. My parents were going out to dinner with my aunt, uncle-in-law, and my cousin. As for me I had a date (not romantic date) with Fong. He took me to a Viengsavanh Restaurant, which is famous for fried and fresh spring rolls.

I had to be careful in choosing the sauces and went for the one with the least amount of garlic. I didn’t want to be breaking out with rashes and scratching all night long. I was a bit disappointed with the rolls. The fried ones were better than the fresh ones. The fresh spring rolls were all dried out and didn’t taste very good. I only took one bite of it. Even I thought my spring rolls were better. Just look at the picture and judge for yourself. No, I am not fishing for a compliment.