Sao Lao

Grand-Mama didn’t do anything big for Boun Ok Phansa and only spent $50.00 for a small donation in the form of a meal offering at her local temple on the day after the Boat Racing Festival in Pakse. My two aunts were busy making khao thom for the Morning Alms Giving. Since Grand-Mama can’t sit too long with her knees folded, she was not able to attend the service at the wat but my aunts and cousins made sure her bowl of offering made it to the temple.

I have to admit that when it comes to love song, I am more into sad songs. Maybe it’s because I don’t know much about love and coming from a broken family, I don’t believe in a fairly tale love story. Perhaps I like sufferings and sad songs are my tunes. If I have to pick one love song to respond to Amphone’s post I would pick Jom Jai Khon Jon. It is a Lao song that I found out it was written for my Mama. Someone loved her so much to have written this song for her and she was the one and only Jom Jai Khon Jon for that particular man. Mama was this definition of “Jom Jai Khon Jon. ” Maybe someday there will be a man that would think I am his Jom Jai.

She was his Jom Jai

Jom Jai Khon Jon by Manith

Jom Jai Khon Jon by Anousone

After waiting for two weeks for a package from my aunt in Vientiane, the mailman finally made the delivery yesterday afternoon. I was very happy to see what I’ve asked for: a Laotian Fondue, toasted sticky rice and a CD of photos from the Boat Racing Festival in Vientiane. I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t get my Sao Lao magazine as requested. My aunt misunderstood me and thought I wanted Update Magazine with the coverage of Miss Apone Beauty Pageant 2007 winner.

This coming weekend would be a good time for me to try out the Laotian Fondue with Johan for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m going to get a few bottles of Beer Lao and have a big party. You’re all invited.

In late September my cousin Mo decided to build him a fish pool so he can raise a few hundred fishes for food. Raising fishes is as typical as having a garden so people can cut down on grocery bills. Since my other aunt who is living next door has raised some fishes before and has started a new group of fishes in her concrete pool, Mo thought it would be a good idea to get a hands on learning experience.

When I asked him about his fish pond a few days ago, Mo told me he didn’t pass the water test and would have to seal the walls better so water won’t leak out. He just started his accounting study at the university in Pakse last weekend so I am not sure if he will have the time to take care of his fishes. Mo said that it’s not so difficult since you can feed the fishes and clean the pool on schedule. I told him to put some phak thob in the pool so the fishes can feel more like home before they will be served at the dinner table.

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I received a second batch of photos from my cousin in Laos and was happy to see a photo of Grand-Mama making food to take to the temple for the Boun Hor Khao Padapdin.

On this day, Buddhists prepare food for their relatives who have passed away and for abandoned spirits that have been suffering in hell. They believe that on this day they will be released from hell to come and eat the food put out for them around homes and temples.

This ritual occurs in every temple and requires devotees to get up early in the morning to bring the food they prepared the day before. Up to nine kinds of offerings are bound in a horkhao , a decorative package wrapped up in banana leaves and containing fruit, sweets, dried fish, flowers and other items.

Grand-Mama can’t sit in the proper way with her legs fold for too long so she couldn’t attend the Morning Alms Giving. She still can’t walk beyond the front gate of the house but did her best to help with paying respect to her deceased mother and other relatives. I asked her why she was putting this different ingredients in one banana wrap and she told me that is to give the spirits different types of food in one serving.

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It has been a little over a year since the passing of my Grand-Papa. When I was a kid in Vientiane I never knew he was my blood related relative. I found out last year after he passed away that he was my Papa’s father. I had good memory of this nice man and went to pay my respect at his Boun Loy Vanh earlier this year. When I came back from Laos my aunt Kian gave me a CD with pictures of the funeral of Grand-Papa. For some reason I didn’t see the few photos of him from Lao New Year in 2004. These photos were of him a few months before his 94th birthday. Aunt Kian was there to wish him a happy new year and asked for his blessings.

Grand-Papa would have been 98 years old as of October 11th, 2007 if he was still alive. Sadly he passed away, less than a week before his 97th birthday in October of 2006.

I have been thinking about his passing the last couple of weeks and trying to process my feelings. I wanted to ask my Grand-Mama about Grand-Papa but since she has been sick the last few weeks I didn’t want to give her more stress. Grand-Mama was his first wife and he didn’t treat her real well. But after all these years it was Grand-Mama’s children that took care of him during his illness and through the last breath he took. It was also the first’s wife children that gave him a proper burial. I don’t know what was in the past but I have good memory of this man. For better or worse he was my Grand-Papa and was good to me all those years. I want to remember him the way he was to me and will always honor and respect him. He was the man that I admired and wanted to be more than I could be. At 5 years old I wanted to grow up and be an architech  and took over his construction company or be an ambassador like my great-uncle.

I thank Grand-Papa for giving life to my Papa and for my existence. Without them I would not exist. We are not perfect but with love and grace we are capable of so many beautiful things imaginable.

The adventure in Pakse continues. After we finished with grocery shopping and came back to the house it was time to meet with the rest of the family members. I saw my father’s mother for the second time in my life. The first time was when I was a little kid in Vientiane. I tried to take as much pictures as possible of the relatives for my parents. While the rest of the relatives were busy getting to know my mother, I went into the kitchen to give a helping hand. My father told me to do my fair share with the household chores while I am there.

We had a nice lunch with more than 20 people (I stop counting at 20). I didn’t eat much since the dishes were all too hot for my taste. This family puts chili peppers in just about everything. After lunch I did the dishes all by myself. My father’s niece has a teenage daughter but was not much of a help. When she saw me do dishes, she ran away to her grandmother’s house (my father’s older sister) to play. The other children were young boys and therefore cannot help in the kitchen. I didn’t mind doing the dishes, except for the fact that the sink was too low (below my butt’s level). It was difficult to help in the kitchen with washing all the vegetables and fruits and do the dishes.

My father’s niece couldn’t help me do the dishes since he gave her laundry to wash. I started to laugh while watching my father gives the order. Who was the dek-noi (little kid) that will do my laundry like he said back in Vientiane? I also found the interaction of the family to be quite amusing. The fact that his niece and her husband call my parents as mom and dad rather than Na Bao and Na Sao was interesting to me.

After I finished with the dishes (for more than 20 people by hands I must stress), I went back to the living-room and found my parents busy passing out gifts to the old and the young. My cousins wanted to take me to see the sunset at the Mekong River but my father said I was not allowed to go anywhere after dark and not to ride the motorcycle. He said I can only go somewhere with my parents and if not would only be able to go somewhere with Aao Ki in his tuk-tuk. That way I can stay safe.

I asked my parents if I can go visit Aao Ki’s family. I was surprised to find out that he lives in the same village as Grand-mama. What a coincidence? The plot of the story becomes even more intense when I saw his house which is on the main road and only a couple of minutes walk to Grand-mama’s house. While I stood outside Aao Ki’s house and ordering sugarcane drink from his daughter, I gave Bay a call and told her of what is going on. I asked her if this is the same man who took Grand-mama to the doctor a week before. Bay confirmed my suspicion. I was shocked to find out how small of a world we live in. I then asked Bay whether or not Aao Ki recognized me from our last meeting. Bay didn’t think so because I had a different haircut back then and it was a brief meeting. I told her not really since I was sitting outside the doctor’s office with him. I told Bay that I felt as though I am living in a lakorn.

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On our third day in Vientiane, we did the same thing, walked back to aunt V’s villa to take a shower and have breakfast. After a shower I told my parents that I wanted to do a white wash later in the afternoon. My father told me not to go next door to do laundry. He said I shouldn’t “lop kuan” my uncle and his wife. I can wait till I get to Pakse and there will be dek noi (kids) to wash my clothes for me. I told him I don’t want to do such thing and do not expect my relatives to do my laundry for me. If it is a problem with using the washing machine next door, then I can compensate with money to pay for the water and electricity. My father then told me to wash my clothes by hands in the bathroom. He said I can also wash his clothes and my mother’s clothes as well. Being a stubborn daughter that I am, I told him no. I have a back pain and there is no stool for me to sit on I told him. I would have to sit on the floor or bend down to wash the clothes.

Of course being the proud man that he is, my father decided to wash his own whites. There was no laundry detergent around and I had to be the one to go next door asking for some. I washed my clothes that needed to be hand wash along with my mother’s delicates. My parents told me to hang the clothes inside the house, which was very difficult to do since there is no rope or anything. They told me to go ask for a rope next door so I can make a clothes line. There is no rope that I can use from my uncle’s house. His wife asked me why we can’t hang the clothes on the clothes drying rack like I did yesterday. I laughed and told her to ask my parents. I found it funny when my parents decided to hang their clothes in the kitchen on the window. I asked my parents what would the guests to the house think when they come in the kitchen, through the back door, and their eyes will meet the undergarments.

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Aunt A took us to a Pho (Fer) shop for lunch. Afterward we went to a market near by our town. I bought a pair of blue flip flop for Pakse since I only have one pair of sandals. We later went by my cousin’s shop to visit her. I was very happy to see her. She is about the same age as my youngest brother. I used to watch her and her brother (Bee), along with my youngest brother on the weekend. It was more like watching each other since we were kids. I bought a couple of outfits for myself and for my youngest sister from my cousin’s shop.

My cousin told me that she thought I was going to be staying at her house and how they made a room for me. I told her that I’ve been in Pakse for a week. Apparently there was a misunderstanding and my mother didn’t tell either of my aunts that I was going to be in Pakse. Why my mother didn’t tell them that I was going to be with aunt K and my Grand-mama? I called my mother before I went to Laos telling her to not tell my two aunts to not pick me up at the airport and that I will only be in Vientiane for just one day. I didn’t think it would be proper for me to show up for just one day and leave and not stay with aunt K and my cousin Bay since we were going to Pakse together. Besides I wanted to meet all my mother’s relatives at once with my parents. Who would have thought going to Laos will create so much family politics?

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